Marital understanding
Original Writer – Gouro Chandra Tripathy
Translation- The Eastern Times
At the time of the daughter’s farewell after marriage, her mother handed her a bank passbook and said, “This is your marital account. Whenever something good happens in life, deposit some money in it along with a note about the event.” The couple’s married life began beautifully.
Over time, they had two children, and they became wealthy. But, due to their busy schedules, they spent less time together, their relationship deteriorated, and eventually, they decided to separate. When the daughter informed her mother about this, she said, “That’s fine, but before signing the divorce papers, go to the bank and close the marital account. It’s better to erase all memories of such a painful relationship.” Out of curiosity, when the daughter opened the passbook before going to close the account, memories of her first pregnancy, their first house, first car, promotions at work, second pregnancy, numerous anniversaries, birthdays, festivals, and various celebrations flashed before her eyes.
Later, when her husband went to the bank to close the account, he experienced the same emotions. They both realized that their marriage was not defined solely by conflicts and misunderstandings; it was also a treasure trove of many sweet moments. As they reminisced, they understood that the strength of their relationship lay in the countless memories they had woven together. With a shared smile, they acknowledged that despite the challenges they had faced, the beauty of their journey had always outweighed the difficulties.
In Indian culture, marriage is a bond that transcends lifetimes, a sacred union of two souls to form a family. It is a “package deal”. Within this package, they found not only love but also companionship, shared dreams, and the joy of creating a life together. One partner must accept the other’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sides.
However, we are now passing through a time where families are crumbling like houses of cards or a weaver bird’s nest, swaying with the slightest breeze. The fast-paced modern lifestyle has increased mental stress, heavily impacted marital relationships and causing a rapid rise in domestic conflicts. Couples from every class and community are constantly arguing over their partner’s opinions, behaviour, attitudes, and beliefs.
India has traditionally been a country where marriage is viewed as a lifelong commitment, deeply rooted in cultural, spiritual, and social values. The concept of marriage as a sacred bond, often described as a union lasting “seven lifetimes”, emphasises mutual respect, loyalty, and shared responsibilities. However, in recent years, this perspective has been challenged by various factors. These include the rise of individualism, changing gender roles, and increased access to education and employment opportunities, particularly for women. As a result, many couples now find themselves navigating the complexities of modern relationships while trying to balance their cultural heritage with contemporary values. In a country like India, the divorce rate has surged in recent years.
In metropolitan cities like Delhi, Mumbai, and Bengaluru, the divorce rate exceeds 30% in some estimates, which aligns with the U.S. range of 40–50% for first marriages but is higher than many European countries with lower rates. India’s rising divorce rates reflect similar modern pressures as in the U.S. and Europe, such as urbanization, financial stress, and changing gender roles—but its cultural emphasis on lifelong commitment historically kept rates lower.
Nurturing a Lifelong Bond: The Pillars of a Strong Marriage
To save a relationship, if one spouse is the flower in the garden, the other must become the gardener, protecting and nurturing it. Mahatma Gandhi believed that marital relationships should be selfless, sacred, and rooted in mutual respect and equality. The Vedas also emphasize equality in the relationship between husband and wife. In Indian culture, a wife embodies four roles: she is the Ardhangini (better half), Sahadharmini (a wife who helps her husband in fulfilling his duties; partner in righteousness), Sahakarmeeni (partner in endeavours), and Sahayogini (companion).
According to psychologist Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, the three components of love are intimacy, passion, and commitment. The Mahabharata teaches that marriage is built on mutual sincerity, closeness, intimacy, profound understanding, family values, and emotional bonding. In the Ramayana, Sita tells Kausalya that no matter how much parents love their daughter, her greatest joy comes from her husband’s love. It’s essential to be a patient listener, stay fully present in the moment, foster a strong team spirit, appreciate others, and admit one’s mistakes. These create a strong bond in a relationship.
Complaining about a partner’s bad habits, shouting, humiliating, comparing with others, and making unilateral decisions are inappropriate. These detrimental behaviours can erode trust and intimacy, leading to a breakdown in communication. Instead, cultivating a nurturing environment where both partners feel valued and heard, is crucial for a lasting and fulfilling relationship. Christianity teaches to be kind to one another and forgive each other. When couples think in terms of “we” instead of “I”, it fosters a healthy relationship.
Relationship expert John Gottman says, “A happy marriage is based on deep friendship. This friendship allows partners to navigate challenges together, reinforcing their commitment to one another. By prioritising mutual respect and understanding, couples can cultivate an enduring love that thrives even in the face of adversity.” Pandava prince Yudhishthira revealed this “secret” of friendship nearly four thousand years ago.
Marriage is a partnership, a challenge, and an exciting adventure. Remember the vows taken in the presence of the sacred fire at the wedding altar: “We pledge to face every challenge of life with strength and courage, to remain the best and most loyal friends, and to support each other in every endeavour.” The resolve of “you and I, now and forever, will remain inseparable” becomes the great mantra of life. Only then, in the twilight of life, can you look into each other’s eyes and say, “Yes, we have overcome all adversities together.”
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Ryan Anderson
Great article! Marriage was once a huge part of American life, just like you mentioned. Here in San Francisco, we saw divorce rates start to rise in the 1960s and 1970s, peaking in the early 1980s.